Memories

A change......an event....a personal tranformation..... a dramatic shift in my paradigm occured in the summer of 1972. An event of such magnatude that even my memory of it some 36 years later it still stops me now, wondering if I can convey the memory that I have. I am sure to be lacking but believe that this may be the place for such a memory to find a home and take root in another persons casual review and momentary experience of browsing these lost images of peoples past.

It was a passage from childhood to something of a different sort, not really the kind of thing that defines you as an adult, but still makes an impression and altered forever, for better or worse, my experience of the world. As many things in life thrust too soon for our liking onto the stage of our experience, ready or not, challenging me to choose what path I would accept for the template of my existance from that time forward.

The photo is of my best friend Bobby Dix, who died that summer by drowning in a lake in Yosemite. Sad yes, but with all things of this sort, it comes with blessings as well as sadness. First the sad story, then the blessings.

If you look at the photo you can see Bobby opening the door with a florish. This frozen image captures the best of what I remember about his life energy. Everything with an exuberance. Laughter, good times, great and loyal friendships. Finding joy and I cant ever remember him sullen or depressed. We hiked and surfed together all through our few years together. We did all the things that were life affirming and without care or focus on our tomorrows. From our world the world existed in the next wave or the next party, or the next accomplishment of a desire that came unbidden to us but revealed itself as a cause worth planning to accomplish next. It was in retrospect the magic of what life truly is, fleeting and temporary, something that can't be captured. He was a master of living and drinking the full measure of the life that he had.

For Bobby, I wondered if there was a destiny for him, or maybe he was someone in tune with the joy of life, playing with the cosmos of personal experience. Perhaps he burned so brightly because it was going to be such a short time. I don't know, but I know that he could not help himself and because of it, his circle of friends was one of true friends, and for some reason I was one. I think others would say" hey, he was my best friend" it would only be because of his sharing this gift he had with all of us, we all felt that important. It was just so much fun to be around him.

End of High School, a trip planned for a hike into the woods as we had done many times before. At that time I was working after school and which provided some means and a car to transport us on many adventures. But the rub for this trip would be that I was on the final weeks of my job which was to end soon. I enjoyed my work and I felt a kinship to my employer who taught me much and was deserving of my service till the doors closed and the business shut down. So Jeff and Bobby would go ahead of me to Yosemite. I somewhat naively believed that I could find them in the woods, since I had some experience in hiking and knew the trail that they would have been taking. Exuberantly off they went for the hike while I finished my job out. The adventure of their lives.

I was finished with work preparing for my own attempt to find my friends. I was with some friends that did not know him so well and did not know of my plans. A conversation took place like this "Hey, did you hear about that kid from school? You know the one with the really frizzy hair. He drown on a hiking trip a few days ago". My throat closed as I fearfully asked "Bobby"? "Yea, that was him".

A step into some world had occurred. Childhood gone, my first real death. I could not remember anyone else that I really knew up to that day that had died. But it was Bobby! Incomprehensible!

I stayed for the funeral. Bobby's mom gave me a turquoise stone that he loved and had possessed for a long time. After all this time I still carry it almost every day. As a reminder of the life and the energy.

After it was over I went into the woods alone and stayed there for months. I came back out to collect my unemployment checks to by more supplies and then back into the woods, alone. I hoped to find something that might have been left of him there. I did not understand. I was happy enough to have no attachements except to the natural rhythms that coursed on around me. As fall and winter came and drove me out of the mountains I saw the changing of the season as a way for me to understand that all thing raise themselves up like in the spring, but it is a natural thing for us to move from birth, through life to death. When I was afraid of the thought of death, I remembered that I am here now, but have no memory of where I was before this, and if I can happen once, I can surely have a good chance to happen again, all without me doing anything about it.

I am still best friends with Jeff. I have the memories that have shaped me from this experience of childhood into life. I carry the turquoise to remind me that it is better to live and take chances and grow toward what you truly love inside yourself, and that discovery of that energy of life, is a moment by moment challenge for us all.

If you would like to see and read more about my friend you can go to his memorial page at;
http://www.carsontreepeople.com/bobby/